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Self-Criticism as an Act of Love / Autogestión Como Acto de Amor

The loveseat, my familiar, had me half-numb.

I made the sign at the rim of the clearing

outside on the fire escape,

where I would toss Marlboros out

in the dream of discipline. Milk in a bottle heating

in the sun.

I prayed, likely infected

by the warm climate

in the walk-up and the home inside it

where I read a book I would. And the pines keeping roots

nocturnal.

I would rise with my spectacles, light-headed and presexual.

My pallid face made me think of the fabric

on my chest,

pronouncing my fear

beyond words, mad to be in my flesh for one last

minute—

one thing I made by being there, waiting to find my home

by the curve

in the highway and the bridge,

day and night in Manhattan, the borough in the wind.

Sobre el sofá, con mi espíritu, me encontraba medio adormecido.

Crucé mis dedos al persignarme cerca del borde claro

de la escalera de incendios

para desechar los Marlboros

en un sueño de disciplina. La leche en su botella calentaba

bajo sol.

Oré, probablemente afectado

por el clima cálido

en el apartamento sin ascensor en su interior

donde leía lo que podría haber leído. Los pinos guardando de sus raíces

en un nocturno.

Me habría levantado con mis anteojos, ligero en mente y presexual.

Mi cara pálida pensando sobre la tela

de mi pecho,

pronunciaba algo sobre mi miedo

más allá de las palabras, enojado con mi propia carne, propia piel, en un último

minuto—

algo adicional figuré estando allí, esperando hacer de mi hogar

por la curva

frente al expreso y su puente,

día y noche en Manhattan, la ciudad en el viento.

from The Life AssignmentFind more by Ricardo Alberto Maldonado at the library

Copyright © 2020 Ricardo Alberto Maldonado
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Published in Poems Ricardo Alberto Maldonado

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