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Poem Ending and Beginning on Lines by Larry Levis

Because you haven’t praised anything in months,

and because iron, because two ten-pound plates—

when pressed to six wheels and late sets—are enough

to drive better men to dust, and because the young bucks

curling near the mirror have paused their pretty work

to watch your old ass snatch from the bench’s

buckling uprights all three hundred and thirty-five

goddam pounds, you summon the saint of iron,

the blacksmith in palm skirt fisting his machetes,

to give you just a little bit of what you need to bring it

down, to bang it up, just once. Just this once.

—Ago, Baba Mi. Ogun Owanile O, Ogun, Cobu Cobu

Of course, the young bucks chuckle at this ooga-booga

babble, this strange ritual gibberish of an old-timer,

obviously—in the parlance of the place—dead set

to fuck his self up. But you break the weight, you do.

And the room falls quiet save the quiver and clang

of iron on iron, the few slim seconds it takes to turn

back time. Lift off, and you’re a young man in an old city.

No beard, no gray. Lift again, and Parliament is pulsing

from a ghetto blaster perched on a pair of milk crates

in a neighbor’s yellow yard, your sixteen-year-old self

is writhing under another bar, what feels like two tons

crushing you dead, and Robert Caldwell’s glaring

from behind the bench, yelling for you to drive it all up.

Robert Caldwell, barrel-chested, chiseled, and damn

near three hundred pounds, who pushed a pallet jack

for twelve-hour shifts, after twenty-something years

stretched across San Quentin, Soledad, and Folsom;

Robert Caldwell, the triple O.G., who once threatened

his boss with a box-cutter for wolfing loud, or holding

eye contact a little too long, has for reasons unknown

chosen you for his pet project, promising to forge you

into something unbreakable. Said by summer’s end,

you, too, will have grown men flinching when you flex,

and the women—oh, the women—will make disappear

all the deep deep ache a man inflicts on himself. Or,

rather, all the pain Robert Caldwell will inflict on you.

For make no mistake, this will be a summer that hurts.

Deadlifts, box squats, power cleans, and curls.

The egg yolks’ nasty, the slither down your throat.

Drop sets, pyramids, twenty-ones, and cheats. The day

you learned how Robert Caldwell found his father

dead. Days dead the day before, a stolen Desert Eagle

spent and sprawled near what once was a face.

Robert Caldwell drops this on you hard between sets,

but doesn’t pause to break down sobbing. Push, nigga.

Push, says Robert Caldwell. Pain is weakness leaving.

Push, nigga. Push. Become something unbreakable.

Robert Caldwell doesn’t break or take a day to mourn,

or ring your phone late night to chat about regret,

or counsel you to love better than you’ve been.

He does what any good ironworker does. He works.

And he works you. All summer long. Sets and reps

and pressure and flame and all the requisite ache.

You don’t break, exactly, but come close to buckling.

That summer, and summers since. So much burn,

so much weight. So much. You’ll leave three women,

the rest will leave you first. You’ll bury your own father,

lose four friends to gunfire, one to a jailhouse noose.

Your hands will shame you often. But first, this.

O.G. Robert Caldwell, his jigs, blocks, and hammer.

O.G. Robert Caldwell, backlit by the sun. Ogun

Owanile O, Ogun Cobu Cobu. How beautiful this man,

his trust in iron, what it gives us, what it takes.

What it gives again. He yells for you to push, you push.

Robert Caldwell, you think, would have loved this

beat down Brooklyn hole in the wall, its ripped leather

seatbacks, all its stale air. He’d have loved the rusty

dumbbells, the dirt-caked mirror, the young bucks

circling you now, watching and waiting. You stare hard

into that mirror, into your beard and gray. Crow’s feet

and furrows. Thirty-something summers and you’ve become

the triple O.G. Every ache you’ve earned tells you so.

The young bucks clock you as you lay back on the bench,

your hands chalked and finding their grip. Weight,

you think, they don’t have a clue. You break the bar

from its rack, feel it all bearing down. The quiver and heft,

the sudden, overcast quiet of the past tense.

from Kontemporary Amerikan PoetryFind more by John Murillo at the library

Copyright © 2020 John Murillo
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Published in John Murillo Poems

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