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Category: Diane Mehta

Fog Trench

A sea-gap opens as surf crumbles

onto shifting sediment that pretends to be a beach

but has the bones of 13,000 years;

quartz blades and sea otter pelts, the fur-trade

driving settlements that would commence

the New World with its shipyards and apple orchards,

wheat fields newly immortal in the summer winds

erupting into lumber, salmon, smelters

for goldfields. Then come the wars

with accurate brutalities that spawn the local skill

of finding ways within the wind so aerodynamic

you’d think the jets would get to heaven first—

But I have found a shortcut on the beach,

a little ladder with infinite depth

from the moon that shimmers

on this cool night, crepuscular and orange,

to the plum-black ocean trenches

where only fang-tooths dare to wander.

Those sideways stairs cut into waves

are momentarily distinct before they splinter

into a million strobes of light

as if a million stars were reflected in them.

My old bones shiver.

I am strides away from 30,000 feet.

The stairs close in, the ocean ebbs,

they form again, forever scrambling into place.

A boat comes in, glinting with its sea-light

as if trying to tell us something spectacular.

They were never holy, these local stairs,

as much as knowledge-deepening,

sweetening the commerce, home, and love we toil for

here, before we climb to galaxies offshore

on these dissolving stairs that are no more.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Saturday Afternoon at Queen of All Saints Church in Fort Greene

This is a place of people moving

up and down, kneeling to be supplicant

despite hymns that lift them up.

The only real motion is you.

I want to yell hosanna. Instead I follow you,

holding my hands out to this lord

the priest loves, and believe that he

believes. Pews are dusted with old light

the way the afternoon diffuses through ancient trees.

It is something that only happens in churches,

coaxing the sun in gothic windows

with gothic feelings of total delight,

the way a child experiences a forest,

with switchblade ferns that snap

suddenly out, and mad blossoming pink-petal eyes

warning them not to linger long

in their perilous groves of beautiful sunlight.

But we sneak fistfuls of radiance out,

something for ourselves.

That light, however little I believe, burns eternally within.

Perhaps you are more eternal than I will ever give you credit for.

The priest leads in right feeling, this feeling right

with you on this Saturday afternoon, though I had wanted

to go to the Frick and pretend I was O’Hara.

I gaze up at the stained glass windows

raised high to show me the spirit-path—

red-robed Gabriel annunciating to Mary

who smiles with uncertainty and surprise,

and wonder why angels turned up in both our stories,

why I walked through this door with you today,

your hands open to the dream of church,

and my hands, so long in my pockets, opening too.

We leave when others take communion,

with feelings so various that light follows us

and bursts into bloom on the sidewalk.

I slip my shadow into my pocket and feel,

bless you, blissful; we have stolen the swanky feelings.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Dirt Maid

My tough blue hands are veined with a thousand rivers

navigated or drowned in.

But I have roots to care about, moss to take me in;

earth-maid, dirt-maid, pages of trees to grow within.

Chasing down my blue-dark conversations,

cockatoo creations, I ration thought, chase elation.

Lakes move in their reflections of trees

where light swims with full-floating ease.

A thousand years from now,

love will wonder why it ever lost its vigilance.

Perhaps: dream-crazy midnights, illicit scenes,

walking roughly into grief, casketed in it.

While stars telescope me into new geography.

Gravity climbs down trees and follows me.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Drums and Paper

Soul, you called it,

and put on a record.

Some funk-blend

of oxygenation,

drumbeats and speed,

black doves, temples, money.

Our guttering in

between: 20 watt clairvoyance.

A decade out, we ripple

into hieroglyphs—

you interrogate my

extravagances with silence.

Sunlight’s lunatic

resplendence tilts into peace.

Iridescent hills we wandered.

I spirit into blackout,

not disbelieved, grieved;

we live-lose daily

in drumbeats, flutes screaming

sharps and flats,

unhinging melody from its derivative.

Reverb those chords.

Lose the spectacular order

scrolling down paper.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

River

Grooving a valley with soft-scissoring fingers,

a blind river surveys the land for a kinder ocean.

It carries the wishes of fishermen on ridges

waiting for carp to leap into their arms like a woman

and the laughter of lean sunbathers

unbothered by death that will come sooner

than they expected. Like our molecules

it aches to get to the center of earth.

It is looking for an ocean

to bury its sounds.

Stories of trilobites and volcanic heat,

birth-engine for endless microscopic species.

It moves like blood cells into impressionable soil,

tumbles over rocks,

religion truer than any.

It flows by churches,

over graveyards where we buried

star generals and tailors with musical fingers

and women who bore children

before life happened to them.

The blind river carries on its back

10-volume histories of cities that rose around them,

Tiber, Seine, Nile, Danube, Yamuna.

The river curves around new mosques

and colorful Buddhist temples with tiny flags fluttering

while Hindu deities talk about eternity.

Its mouth is our mouth, the way we shape vowels on our tongues—

It turns by a synagogue where a war-jagged rabbi

bent over his books

puzzles out what it means.

He doesn’t believe in every testament.

My alphabet is weeping, he sobs.

Letters all gloss and no grace.

These words don’t hold their shape.

He climbs into the waves of fresh-cut corpses

the blind river grinds to gravel,

until, many summers later,

sandbars fashion themselves into islands.

The river, sullen and implacable, is a starfish with one leg left.

It twists to a rhythm it alone hears, seeking gravity,

folk tunes in its ears and choral ghosts singing.

It plots below frozen surfaces, mineral-rich with ideas

for April, when torrential melts remind us

to everything its season.

America, colder than our hearts,

will tear us apart.

Who is courageous and what can we give up?

Small boats float on the blind river with the dead

who bicker about the price of milk and celestial news—

old stars masquerading as alive,

new stars arriving

with lightbox valises in their 200-year approach.

By then, three wars will have torn apart six countries,

a half-million men will follow their fathers into the ground.

Forests will grow blue from stem cells hidden in laboratories,

bluebells and bluebirds on their strange blossoming.

Letters to editors will be written by algorithms.

There was always too much America.

But rivers still flow in rust-belt mornings,

in algorithms propaganda can’t decipher

because they are singing the sermons that unite them.

An old man, a philosopher I knew, hammers the floor with his feet,

speaking in tongues for fear of greater tragedies.

But we have long ties to sunlight that cannot be legislated,

equations that always solve for equality that is true.

The variable is us.

Intellectuals pedal bicycles fast into the wind.

There will be some yellow streamers at the end

or just a clearing where people have gathered

to dig up the wise invisible river

beneath land we have riven.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Ankles Like Ancient Birds

I am musing for amusements,

looking for something good.

Ancestral spirits back me up.

I am searching, and they are heaven-sent.

What is beautiful? It lasts an instant.

I hand out lists of lovers and reflections.

Someone writes me a letter in seismographic beeps.

This urn, that eclipse, a nightingale, all of it true—

I despise losing but do it masterfully.

(The dead pull on my ankles like ancient birds,

my soul, they think, in reach.)

And if sea sirens and shadow-making revelations

are stage tricks? If these are standard griefs?

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

With Tailfins

Down, where your questions mirror mine

but we can never reach, there is more to say about time

diminishing as we get close, in my oxygen universe.

Cold blue blur and labored breathing.

I briefly shimmered, light diffusing.

How are we to be? If I dragged you down and down,

into deep-sea serenity, love would not be coastal.

History shivers along at a thousand meters

with its tailfins and soul-seeking dinosaurs.

We are peculiar rhythm in this scuba galaxy,

all dark dreams below waves that always crumble.

It is not enough to see the edges of eternity.

We dive recklessly for stingrays, swordfish, anemones.

Down and down, where the question is pure belief

not clarity, I bring you to this rendezvous with me.

I reach my hand into sun-shattering darkness, then pull it free.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Aphrodisiac Drift

Summer of bonfires in which I go swimming,

Spirit-animating breezes on which I am living

In formidable arrangements of bliss and despair,

Durably plural. I never promised I could fix it,

Derek, the mistakability of poems, words shuffling

In my head. It is midsummer again, with its steam-blaze

Atlantic sea-light and its fanatic infusions of sweet

Loss, its syllables inevitable. Make it rhythm, you said.

Your advice gave me twenty years of aphrodisiac drift.

I am swimming in the bonfire of summer in Brooklyn,

Barking at enchantments and climbing in caskets

I’ve loved. I’ve mapped a witch hunt for myself.

My crimes are too tiny and too interior to matter much.

I am a walking-awkward vernacular specific to myself.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Churchgoing

Vespers on a Sunday afternoon.

A unified medley of a simple church

in a town on a bay where shorebirds

migrate south in autumn and oysters

hatch quietly on the shells of others.

Oystermen troll from sunset to sundown

the hard blue surface of the steady water,

decades true to it.

Old men hack at weeds with scythes

along the road that seams historic homes

and ranch houses; it stretches,

it seems, to foggy infinity.

Summer visitors leave a dollar or two

in the box up front, sign the register,

inscribe their names so they remain forever.

Old pews are polished with impeccable shine.

Opening the thick red book of Methodist hymns

in this church of every ministry,

on any Sunday, some people feel

explicit wrongs and gentle disillusionment.

The air is so clean here it feels like divinity.

I memorize the view of the old yard

behind the church, manicured and waiting.

It seems too big for anything besides flocks

of bears and horses coming in from the beach.

We are all too groomed, impeccably serious.

The pews fill up.

Women wear lipstick and honorable dresses;

men put on their Presbyterian faces.

A hunched man with a tawny ponytail

and moist eyes rises up and sobs,

“My wife is six weeks dead now.”

The youngest woman in the congregation

puts her arm around him while the harpist tours

Ireland and Scotland and we all sing

Love Divine, All Loves Excelling

I recognize the tune but not the words,

the same tune I had whispered out the window

to the sea when I was young, wondering which night

was the one the book said was silent.

And even though it wasn’t mine, the song fit

then and now as the congregation

sang softly all those vowels from 1890.

I add lilt, excited to be privy to big feelings

as pastors from other towns down the peninsula,

12 of the 13 residents, the visiting minister and his wife

listen and Old Ned finishes his cry.

If love is divine then what am I

when they are so full of love

excelling? I believe in showing up.

The sermon starts.

I think about what hope is and decide it isn’t

anything the minister talks about

before he’s finished. Aren’t we already

full of hope by coming here?

The minister tells us to question everything

so I question how he decided wonder was the main act

in this tiny, noble church of unseasonable reason.

I think he is saying, if we think together

without arguing about what we’re thinking

we have freedom. But my wonder

is not your wonder, I think, and wonder where

he’s getting all his divinity from.

These open-hearted beaches are so pure they choke me.

I prefer the cold, hard pews and visitor seating.

I prefer to be deranged and read these pretty prayers

as evil in my feet taps out a little more universe.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

Tabernacles Will Turn to Sieves

In my house of rooms

I measure what can’t be left or gotten over.

Lowercase letters climb up and down stairways,

bedrooms crumble inside a million broken mirrors,

foyers are lined with birthday cake.

Marching bands accompany me

to the daily precipice.

Effigies of old women give away papers

scribbled with tricks that seem transgressive.

Gods that are not god to anybody.

The love of a second god, or a third that shadows it.

Or shadows themselves, truths to grudgingly love

though it doesn’t burn like some tree

and it feels kind of frozen.

I was a fool to put my hand in.

Your tabernacles will turn to sieves, it said.

So I open my briefcase of balms and correctives

and stack them in cupboards of my ancient house.

I welcome the gladiators and mermaids

who are there to murder me.

Let them do it. I will decorate this house

with the future tense. I fill my house with hymns.

from Forest with CastanetsFind more by Diane Mehta at the library

Copyright © 2018 Diane Mehta
Used with the permission of The Permissions Company, LLC on behalf of Four Way Books.

This program is supported in part by a grant from the Idaho Humanities Council, a State-based program of the National Endowment for the Humanities.

Any views, findings, conclusions, or recommendations expressed in this (publication, website, exhibit, etc.) do not necessarily represent those of the Idaho Humanities Council or the National Endowment for the Humanities.